Becoming a dad: 10 tips to make the most of it

Pregnancy is a time of considerable physical and emotional change for a woman, and receiving support from the partner can help make the experience more positive and fulfilling for both of you.

Here are ten tips on how to support your partner and be an involved dad:

1) Attending a prenatal course together with your partner will help you experience birth more confidently and have a positive experience. Knowing what will happen during labour, what alternatives you might have, the timing of certain situations, how to manage the return at home: knowing all this will help you to support her better, so that she feels calm and protected. A well-informed partner is a great resource in the delivery room and also in providing support after going home.

2) All the mother needs is for you to help her feel safe. She knows perfectly well how to give birth, as long as she feels in a safe and intimate environment.

3) It is very useful to practise the breathing technique together: you will be able to guide your partner better during labour, should it be needed, and learn some useful massage techniques for that moment. The breathing technique will also be very useful for you because it is a technique that helps to release tension in the body, and thus to relax and feel better. If you feel calm and peaceful, consequently she will feel that way too! Feel-good hormones are contagious!

4) If you are particularly worried about the birth event, I want to reassure you! It won’t necessarily be as you imagine it or as you may have heard: childbirth, if experienced in an informed manner, can be a wonderful event that brings the couple much closer together.

After delivery:

5) As soon as you arrive home with your baby, try to postpone as much as possible visits from people who want to visit you in the first few days: this is a crucial time to start establishing a bond as a new family.

6) Spend time talking to your partner, reassure her, cuddle her, prepare fresh meals for her. Family and friends can be much more helpful once mum has had time to relax and adjust, with your support, to her new role.

7) Lack of sleep, insecurities, change of life and priorities can sometimes put a strain on the relationship. The best way to protect your relationship is to be an involved father, taking care of household chores and childcare from the beginning.

8) You may not feel useful because “it’s mum who breastfeeds” and may risk not building a bond with your baby from the very beginning. In fact, there are many activities you can do to help build a father-baby bond right from the start and to relieve mum. You could, for example, take care of nappy changes, bathing, find moments of cuddles and play after feedings or go for walks just the two of you. Skin-to-skin contact is also a great time to relax together.

9) When mum is breastfeeding you can take care of preparing food for her to make sure she eats healthily and drinks plenty. Encourage her to take naps between feedings and not to worry about other things to do around the house, even an hour’s sleep will help her regain a lot of energy!

10) It may be that over time there will be some friction and arguments but the important thing is to talk: talk about your needs, how the two of you feel and what the two of you need. Find out what kind of help your partner needs and what is important to her. Taking care of your relationship is one of the best ways to take care of your child.

As you may have guessed, I also have the well-being of fathers very much at heart. I believe that their role is of paramount importance at such a delicate time in life.

All too often dads are placed in the background, but pregnancy and childbirth are stages of profound change for them too, and unfortunately this is still very little talked about.

For these reasons in my pre-natal course, I have introduced an extra session just for dads. Whether you decide to do it in a group or individually, there is always a session entirely dedicated to you, where you can feel free to express your doubts and fears and where you can gain more confidence and self-awareness.